Monday, 23 January 2017

10 things you did not know about Japan

  1. Japan has perfected the art of taking a crap. I Japan the seats are warm and there is a little pipe coming out and washes your butt with amazing accuracy. Not a single drop outside, believe e, once we get the use, you will never want to touch your anus with paper again. The toilets are so smart and considerate, they even play music or sounds so whoever is in the next room does not hear the sound of your crap falling in the water or the sound of your farts – heavenly awesome
  2. Japanese are the cleanest people in the world. They have slippers especially for toilet which is considered a dirty area. I forgot once to take them off and got out in the living room, and I cannot describe their faces looking at me like I committed a crime or something
  3. Bathing in Japan is social. Man or women go in the morning or evening in public baths, hot as hell. As a man I tried it once or twice and I barely resisted the urge to stare at Japanese men to  test the theory than Asian man have smaller instruments than Caucasians. Which unfortunately I could not test.. once the embarrassment of staring, and other I was really disappointed not to see much difference. Maybe I have a small instrument myself…cried for a week.
  4. Japanese are crazy about games and gambling. Do you know those grabbing games that you never win? They have a big shop like every 100 meters and they are full of people hoping to get some useless rabbit or some jelly. I don’t get it
  1. Japanese love their toys and some of them are not necessarily for children. They have toy stores which have 18 years plus sections where you can fulfil your dreams with manga characters in miniature and some of them are seriously attractive even for an adult. Like panties, and boos and shite….difficult not to buy and fantasize about cartoon characters that will satisfy your wildest dreams. 
  2. Japan has very small rooms and spaces for people. You can go into a bar which is about the size of my desk. 3 people and the bar keeper, you almost see and can touch the bar keeper nostrils.  Their bars are so small, there is a guarantee death in case of a fire.
  3. The Japanese concept all you can eat restaurant is not really all you can eat.. They will give you 20 different dishes and each of them the size of a fingertip. You can starve after an all you can eat experience which is really disappointing
  4. Japan has mastered the art of the accessories….for example toothpick wallets with mirrors inside. Always wanted to have one of those, just to make sure I take out food left overs from my teeth every time…..just kidding. Also they have the smallest gifts or souvenirs – you can find glass cats about 5 mm in size. really difficult to make a purchase for a 3-5 mm glass dog head. Can’t see the point. 
  5. Japanese have mastered the art of wrapping. From individual wrapped biscuits cooked to perfection to entire museums dedicated to paper wrapping. Wrapping paper can be as rare and expensive as fine art. So you buy wrapping paper to not wrap anything, but to have it as a painting. I am wondering how do you wrap the wrapping paper to make a gift.  You need to open at least 4 wrappign alyers to get to a biscuit…I just want the god dam’ biscuit…why so much work to get the biscuit…I just want to biscuit
  6. Japan has discovered that potato chips are boring, so you can have seaweed chips….a disgusting and dry alternative but hey, who am I to talk. Seaweed chips…seriously